Still Debating

I am still debating pros & cons and my fear versus my enjoyment.

Although I did contact my family doctor and get a note to clear me to return to "work" (aka Training), I'm still not 100% sure that its right for me. And I think that's okay. The opportunity for Grey & I is still something we're excited about, but the reality of tight-spacing, city-driving, et cetera with that massive machine worries me.

Which is sad, because I loved driving on the highway and the rural roads. I can couple & uncouple a trailer, I can do my PTI, my FCOB check, my PoTI, and the instructors who all observed or drove with me said I was doing great. I don't think they'd lie about it.

One thing that sticks with me - and worries me - is something Jim said. He told me that "[we] can fix any bad habit or help you learn any skill, if you're willing. That's not a problem. What we can't fix is what's inside your head." He was referring to my tendancy to get flustered when I made a mistake (missed a gear, for instance). I don't know if that's something I can overcome.

You see, I notice that same tendancy in other areas of my life, so its not truck-specific. For instance, in a large group while playing a MMORPG - I am the only healer so it can get a little hairy trying to make sure each member stays alive. Normally, I am quite good at this, but sometimes I hit the wrong button or something and I get frusterated and flustered and then hit another wrong button. Obviously, this is trivial, but its a good example. The life or death in a video game isn't the same as the life-or-death-or-extreme-property-damage of driving a truck.

So yes, I am still considering it. I appreciate the vote of confidence. I feel as though driving is something I would be good at, none of the classroom work phased me, and I think I'd be just dandy with life in a truck... its just the city-driving that has me worried. Panicky. Frusterated.

Worried.

Bah. I'll let ya'll know what happens.